It’s been about 2 years since I lasted worked. Anxiety and depression was the deal with my last job, and plus me trying to return back to College to get my BA degree. It did not turn out the way I expected. I am very nervous of the “What if this happened?” symptom flooding my mind.
” What’s the problem? It’s only a part-time job, so you want be working that much.” You are so right. I have asked myself that about a billion times already in my head. “Girl just pray about it, and get over it.” Child you are so right, and I do pray. I listen to my gospel music and get my praise on. I read my bible, and affirmations. I will write in my journal, and sometimes do some crafting to help calm me down. All of that is very helpful as I walk my road of recovery for this illness.
I get so angry at myself because I just can not “just get over it.” I know what I need to do, so why is it not working. Come on, come on, but your not moving. Brain frozen, and my concentration is too. I love my family and friends, but at times they make me sick. I enjoy being with them, but times I just want to be alone. I feel peace when my surrounding is nice and neat, but sometimes I get sick when I have to clean up. I love going places but there are times I just want to stay at home, and be to myself.
I know I just said a lot of things just then, but this is just how I can explain some of the things I go through. Lord! I can write some books!! lol
My journey of mental illness is the road I live with, but I am strong. For years I didn’t feel like I was, but God has shown me that I am though Him. There are many illness out there, but none of them can bet God! I know that is by my personal relationship with God that I am still here, and I give Him all the glory!!!!