January 29, 2018?? Already it seems like the days are flying by fast. It’s enough that my mind races, and I trying to managed that. Worrying about the future is one thing, fear, anxiety, and depression is the rest that follows. However, I do have some good times. Yes, January 2018 is about to end, but I look back to January 2017. I started working, and I am still working at the same job. Lol I am a Certified Peer Support Specialist and I enjoy it. I think of how the Lord has been there for me when I felt alone. Compared to the many years ago, I am doing just fine. This mental illness still hits me, but I have learned ways to help me on my recovery journey. Not only do I do what’s best for me, but I help encourage others on their mental health journey. We are in this thing together no matter how slow or fast the days go by.
Be encourage you guys😀😀😀
Mood – OK
Just checking in. Feeling alright. After a meeting with my CPN last week I feel I need to work on accepting my illness rather than get more depressed when I realise it isn’t going to go away.
I think acceptance is a huge part of recovery, possibly the most important part. There is no cure but I can learn to manage it.
Source: What’s your why?
You say that you are here to help me, but all you see is that I am number 3 to put another notch under your belt.
You don’t care about the number of times I placed my head in my pillow and wept.
The times I think that I am the walking dead. Fighting each moment just to get out of bed.
Okay, I was the tenth person you have tried to help go back school. You come to my house to pick me up, but you forgotten that I feared going back. Yeah I want to go back, but I am afraid I will have another panic attack.
I am more than just a number. I am a person that is living with an mental illness. This life I live is more than just putting a cover over a open wound.
I see and hear people talking that others don’t. I am more afraid of things that races in my mind. I am tried, mentally tried, and can’t seem to stop. My mind seems to do what it wants to, and I get so angry because I feel hopeless.
I Am More Than Just A Number!!
I am just a person that wants to live my life. I have a voice, so please let me speak. Help me by listening to me.
I Am More Than Just A Number
So many things rushing through my mind, some good and some bad. I have a lot of goals I want to do, but I can’t seem to get it together in my head. Man!! I am so tried of fighting in my head, and so I write.
I always loved to write. On the back of the phone book, and anywhere I could find a place to write. My name, my families name you name it I wrote it down.
This is one of my ways that I cope to help relax my mind. I can’t hold all this stuff in my head, and so I write. I will write when I am sad, mad, and confused. I will write when I can’t seem to talk to not one, and so I write.
And so I write….
And so I write….
And so I write…
I don’t mind you talking to me at all. If my phone is still on, I will answer every time you would call. I understand holding things inside makes things seems better. You don’t want to bother anyone, so I write myself a letter. I felt it was better to keep it to myself because when I try to express myself people would take me the wrong way. Heck! I did not know how to get my words together anyway. Stress is not a friend of mine, for when it comes to me it takes me down a road I can’t seem to control. Stress for me is not normal, for I really go into a overload.
Okay I can’t help everybody, and solve everybody’s problems! I am not God. Lolol
I have to take a break, slow down, and remember to walk out the Lord plans for my life. I am blessed for the position God has opened for me as a Certified Peer Support Specialist in mental health services. I am a person that is living with an mental illness, and I am that face of hope. However, I can’t be my best if I don’t stop and take a break for my recovery journey.
I know I am not just speaking of me, but for those of you guys that needs to do the same thing.
Take a little break you guys!!
I am grateful for:
My personal relationship with God.
My awesome and loving kids.
My loving mom, and brother.
My Job, and co-workers.
A peaceful place to live.
Food to eat
Clothes to wear
*****We all need to take time out and notice the positive things in our lives.*****