I Am Grateful

I am grateful for:

My personal relationship with God.

My awesome and loving kids.

My loving mom, and brother.

My Job, and co-workers.

Support systems

A peaceful place to live.

Transportation

Food to eat

Clothes to wear

*****We all need to take time out and notice the positive things in our lives.*****

 

Another Step Forward

It’s new year, and I have a new job.  I am excited, but my anxiety and depression has been kind of up lately.

I am a Certified Peer Support Specialist, and that was one of the goals that I have accomplished through the help of God.  I was blessed to get a job quick in a mental health facility.  So why am I so fearful?  I haven’t worked in about 2 years.  I build up the nerves to get a part-time job, so I got over that bump.  Start feeling good, but you all know how it started to go. ( Note:  For those that has a mental illness like me)lol  I felt the depression coming on and my anxiety too, but I was holding on.  Then I got the call about the peer support job.  Yay!!!  part-time job, and this is what I’ve been praying for.  Oh no!!  This is a full-time position.   Oh Lord!!!  I went into a big panic attack.  The same feeling when I was about to start the part-time job at the bookstore.  I had to calm myself down before I passed out.  I had to pray to God, and talk to myself.  “You have been here before, and you can do this. It is not bad as you think.  God just blessed you to get over one hump, and now He has blessed you to get over this one too.

I truly thank God for being with me.  Another step forward is what it is all about.  It is not that easy for me, but taking those steps means a great deal.  Yes, the racing thoughts comes. Yes, I want to, and have cried.  Yes, I want to just get into my comfort zone, keep to myself, and times I had to still away to get myself together. However, it is still another step forward.  Yes, the fear of losing some apron strings that I have held on to for years.  I know what I need to do that helps me feel better. However, it is still another step forward, and I thank God for Him holding me every step of the way.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!!

behindthemask

 

Just Breath, and Pray

No one really knows what tomorrow may bring.  The thoughts of happiness is a great desire that we all want.  To see the sun shining bright and the kids playing outside without fear.  Seeing the friendly faces on our neighbors as we sit on our porch.  Lending a helping hand to those in need, and feeling blessed by doing so.

Life can get tough at times, and it seems like all hell has broken lose.  But just take a deep breath, pray, and know that this too will pass. God got ya!!

Anxiety has Kicked In

I am so anxious right now.  The more the time get close to 5:30pm.  I feel sick.  Yesterday, I started a part time job at a Christian bookstore. Today, supposed to be my second day of training, and yesterday things was fine.  Really since the time I started filling out the application, my anxiety kicked it.  It has been at least 2 years since I lasted worked. Pretty much of my life I have not been able to hold on to a job long because of my mental illness. It was in 2014 when I found out that I had an mental illness.  Depression and anxiety was my life, and I can not shake it no matter how I try.

I feel that I am pushing myself all over again.  I know what’s wrong now, I am taking my meds, and seeing my doctor like I should, so now I can do this thing.  However, this is not the case.

My Journey

It’s been about 2 years since I lasted worked.  Anxiety and depression was the deal with my last job, and plus me trying to return back to College to get my BA degree.  It did not turn out the way I expected.  I am very nervous of the “What if this happened?” symptom flooding my mind.

” What’s the problem?  It’s only a part-time job, so you want be working that much.” You are so right.  I have asked myself that about a billion times already in my head. “Girl just pray about it, and get over it.”  Child you are so right, and I do pray.  I listen to my gospel music and get my praise on.  I read my bible, and affirmations. I will write in my journal, and sometimes do some crafting to help calm me down.  All of that is very helpful as I walk my road of recovery for this illness.

I get so angry at myself because I just can not “just get over it.”  I know what I need to do, so why is it not working.  Come on, come on, but your not moving.  Brain frozen, and my concentration is too. I love my family and friends, but at times they make me sick. I enjoy being with them, but times I just want to be alone.  I feel peace when my surrounding is nice and neat, but sometimes I get sick when I have to clean up.  I love going places but there are times I just want to stay at home, and be to myself.

I know I just said a lot of things just then, but this is just how I can explain some of the things I go through.  Lord!  I can write some books!! lol

My journey of mental illness is the road I live with, but I am strong.  For years I didn’t feel like I was, but God has shown me that I am though Him. There are many illness out there, but none of them can bet God!  I know that is by my personal relationship with God that I am still here, and I give Him all the glory!!!!

 

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behindthemask 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mental illness looks like???

“They look like they have a problem!”  “Why is he/she acting so crazy?” ” Look at that fool talking to themselves!”

This is just a few words that is spoken about people that we see in our world at times.

What is going on with those people?  Oh, they are crazy!  They have a mental problem.

We look at the movies, T.V. shows, and we have been told how a person with an mental illness acts, and looks.  My question to you is “What mental illness looks like?”  Well it is not all what society claims it to be.

Many do not know:  A school teacher; a doctor; your college Dean; the Pastor of a church can be living with an mental illness.  Just as cancer, high blood pressure, and other illnesses do not discriminate.  Mental sickness is the same way.  You can’t just look at someone and make your own judgement about them.

Stop stereotyping!!  Mental illness is real, and those that have it needs love and support.

“What mental illness looks like?”  it looks as fabulous just like me!!